Dear Dad,
Dad I Love you
But I just can't take it anymore
I'm not one of the tramps that you sleep with
I'm not one of the women that you had all these kids with
I'm your daughter and I deserve the best!
You treat me like a whore, you use me and then leave me high and dry
You say you love me but do you really mean it
You put everything before me and then try to act like your the perfect father
Well news flash your not!
You were never there for me when i needed you
When i got my first boyfriend
When i got my heartbroken
When I let guys use and abuse me because I didn't think I was good enough
Guess what dad you weren't there
When i gained friend and lost them
When I changed my life around and gave it to Jesus
Guess what dad you weren't there
When I started college
When I changed my major
When I cried over test scores and crushes that hurt
Guess what dad you weren't there
When I just needed a shoulder to cry on
When I needed understanding
when I needed male love and attention
Guess what you weren't there
I was looking for you in all the wrong places and guess what I didn't find you in those guys and I don't even know who you are when I'm standing in front of you
Dad you hurt me sooo bad
I look at you and most of the time all I see is the anger, the hurt, the pain and the lies
How can you not see how this has affected me
You don't really care about me unless its something that benefits you
So go ahead with your new family and forget about me
I can't take it anymore and I refuse too
Dad this is me forgiving you and moving on
This is me accepting you for who you are and not expecting anything more
This is your baby girl growing up
I'm letting go of all of the hurt, anger, and pain
it's truly only hurting me
This is me forgiving you
This is me saying GoodBye!
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Monday, June 13, 2011
I finally did it
I finally did it
You might ask what it is
I have finally cut off all the old relationships from the past
These were guys that I had relationships with or "things" or whatever you wanna call it
It was hard for me at first because keeping their numbers and friendships on Facebook was a weird way of still holding onto them
Even if I didn't talk to them I still could see what was going on in their life
Now I did it their numbers are erased and friendships on facebook terminated
I can't believe I had the strength to do it
It took me years to be able to finally let go of some of these people
But even though it hurt, it was like chains that have held me captive are finally being released
What I had with these "boys" is in the past
Their is no more to our story and the book ends now
No longer will I be a pawn to their silly games
No longer will I open myself up just to be hurt by these people
I am made new with the leaving of the past in the past
I can rejoice and say hallelujah! I am FREE!!
God thank you for this great change that has come upon me
It has been a long time coming and I've been afraid of it but now that it's done, I realize that this decision was never to hurt me but to teach me something and to make me stronger
My past is OVER in you!
I'm becoming the woman that you have called me to be, It's almost 9 years but I think I may have finally gotten it
God you don't do things to hurt us but you teach us, train us and equip us so that when our time comes we will be ready
Thank you for never giving up on your stubborn,knuckle headed, indecisive, fearful Daughter
If you would have I wouldn't be where I am today
I finally did it!
You might ask what it is
I have finally cut off all the old relationships from the past
These were guys that I had relationships with or "things" or whatever you wanna call it
It was hard for me at first because keeping their numbers and friendships on Facebook was a weird way of still holding onto them
Even if I didn't talk to them I still could see what was going on in their life
Now I did it their numbers are erased and friendships on facebook terminated
I can't believe I had the strength to do it
It took me years to be able to finally let go of some of these people
But even though it hurt, it was like chains that have held me captive are finally being released
What I had with these "boys" is in the past
Their is no more to our story and the book ends now
No longer will I be a pawn to their silly games
No longer will I open myself up just to be hurt by these people
I am made new with the leaving of the past in the past
I can rejoice and say hallelujah! I am FREE!!
God thank you for this great change that has come upon me
It has been a long time coming and I've been afraid of it but now that it's done, I realize that this decision was never to hurt me but to teach me something and to make me stronger
My past is OVER in you!
I'm becoming the woman that you have called me to be, It's almost 9 years but I think I may have finally gotten it
God you don't do things to hurt us but you teach us, train us and equip us so that when our time comes we will be ready
Thank you for never giving up on your stubborn,knuckle headed, indecisive, fearful Daughter
If you would have I wouldn't be where I am today
I finally did it!
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
I have to admit
There is something that I have to admit
For so long I have tried to play it cool but now I can't deny the truth
I'm tired of being single
I've been single for over 2 years ever since I gave my life over to God
I decided that they next guy I wanted to date would be my husband but I never knew how hard the words would hut me
A lot of my close friends saved and unsaved have boyfriends that are actually good guys
Their falling in love and making plans for the future with their love
I'm making plans for the future by myself
I know that I have to wait and the right one will come along for me but that doesn't make it any easier
It's weird being single and having no guy even trying to pursue me
It makes me wonder about the way I look and why aren't guys attracted to me
Did I do something wrong that makes me so undesirable or is God shielding me until my time comes
I usually am very good at being strong and not worrying about a man but for some reason recently it has come up a lot
All of my older cousins are either married or are in good relationships and even some of my younger cousins are
It seems like I'm gonna be the old maid while they are happily in love
It hurts when I think about being alone for the rest of my life
That means I won't have kids or a life and a love to share with someone else
I have to be strong as usual but this time I need to be strong and honest with God and myself
I want a boyfriend, and I want a husband, I want a family!
I want to hold hands, kiss in the rain, take long walks, talk about everything, plan our life together, take awesome crazy adventures together
Whew! Now that I've got that out I feel better
I have to admit I'm waiting on God and it's in his timing but I'm still human with human feelings and I will work through this!
I just have to remember in God's Timing!
For so long I have tried to play it cool but now I can't deny the truth
I'm tired of being single
I've been single for over 2 years ever since I gave my life over to God
I decided that they next guy I wanted to date would be my husband but I never knew how hard the words would hut me
A lot of my close friends saved and unsaved have boyfriends that are actually good guys
Their falling in love and making plans for the future with their love
I'm making plans for the future by myself
I know that I have to wait and the right one will come along for me but that doesn't make it any easier
It's weird being single and having no guy even trying to pursue me
It makes me wonder about the way I look and why aren't guys attracted to me
Did I do something wrong that makes me so undesirable or is God shielding me until my time comes
I usually am very good at being strong and not worrying about a man but for some reason recently it has come up a lot
All of my older cousins are either married or are in good relationships and even some of my younger cousins are
It seems like I'm gonna be the old maid while they are happily in love
It hurts when I think about being alone for the rest of my life
That means I won't have kids or a life and a love to share with someone else
I have to be strong as usual but this time I need to be strong and honest with God and myself
I want a boyfriend, and I want a husband, I want a family!
I want to hold hands, kiss in the rain, take long walks, talk about everything, plan our life together, take awesome crazy adventures together
Whew! Now that I've got that out I feel better
I have to admit I'm waiting on God and it's in his timing but I'm still human with human feelings and I will work through this!
I just have to remember in God's Timing!
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Contemplate
Ever just been up at night and all you do is think
Think of all the things that have ever happened to you
The good, the bad and the straight up ugly
Some of it makes me want to laugh so loud that I can probably wake up my entire neighborhood
Others of it just makes me want to cry from the pain ad hurt that it has caused me
Life is just so fragile
I never really realized that for some odd reason
I was too busy caught up in the past to realize that life was starting to pass me by
For so long I have watched life happen and have not participated in it
I was either too afraid or too comfortable to ever reach out and try something different
It literally hurts to think of all the years that I wasted because I was to afraid
I was too comfortable, too hard shelled and behind so may walls that even the biggest tank couldn't get me out
For so long I always said that if somebody wanted to get to me that they had to go through all of these steps and crack what seemed like a "secret code"
But now I have come to realize that, that is not the case at all
It is time for me to come out of all this protective covering that I have put myself in and start being me
It is not their job to crack the code it is my job to let my walls down and let my past go
Yes I'll still get hurt, yes I'll wanna put those walls back up but I refuse to go there again
I'm starting to get freedom and now that I have had a taste there is no going back
So Bye-Bye to my past and Cheers to my future
Think of all the things that have ever happened to you
The good, the bad and the straight up ugly
Some of it makes me want to laugh so loud that I can probably wake up my entire neighborhood
Others of it just makes me want to cry from the pain ad hurt that it has caused me
Life is just so fragile
I never really realized that for some odd reason
I was too busy caught up in the past to realize that life was starting to pass me by
For so long I have watched life happen and have not participated in it
I was either too afraid or too comfortable to ever reach out and try something different
It literally hurts to think of all the years that I wasted because I was to afraid
I was too comfortable, too hard shelled and behind so may walls that even the biggest tank couldn't get me out
For so long I always said that if somebody wanted to get to me that they had to go through all of these steps and crack what seemed like a "secret code"
But now I have come to realize that, that is not the case at all
It is time for me to come out of all this protective covering that I have put myself in and start being me
It is not their job to crack the code it is my job to let my walls down and let my past go
Yes I'll still get hurt, yes I'll wanna put those walls back up but I refuse to go there again
I'm starting to get freedom and now that I have had a taste there is no going back
So Bye-Bye to my past and Cheers to my future
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