Monday, October 31, 2011
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Future
Thinking about the future scares me
I started looking at grad schools and literally my heart started pounding
I am officially living my future
I mean I planned it for so long that know that it's here, it scares the crap out of me
Why must the future come so fast and be like a dark cloud over me
I want to do so many things but which of them is right
I want my masters in Psychology but maybe I should go all the way and get my Psy.D
Maybe I should make my concentration in Family and marriage therapy which is one of my minors
Well I have a minor in political science too and I like history and government
Maybe I should get both my masters in Psychology and Political Science
But that's a lot of money and time being spent
What would I actually do with the political science?
I mean with Psych I want to be a counselor
But Political Science was kind of sprung on me, this summer at a Youth Retreat
Am I doing the right thing??
Is this really where I am supposed to be at??
Am I making the right choices that align up with the will of God or am I working out of my own selfish ambitions?
So many things are bouncing around in my head and I don't know what to do with all of them
I want them to make sense but the more that I try and make sense of them, the more confusing they get
I want to be an ambitious person and go for what I want
But at the same time I'm scared and want to run away from it all
Why must making decisions and life be so hard?
God please make sense of what is going on in my head and point me into the direction that I should go and the grad school that would be right for me??
I don't want to stop thinking about the future but everytime it scares me.. Why must the future be so scary and unpredictable??
I started looking at grad schools and literally my heart started pounding
I am officially living my future
I mean I planned it for so long that know that it's here, it scares the crap out of me
Why must the future come so fast and be like a dark cloud over me
I want to do so many things but which of them is right
I want my masters in Psychology but maybe I should go all the way and get my Psy.D
Maybe I should make my concentration in Family and marriage therapy which is one of my minors
Well I have a minor in political science too and I like history and government
Maybe I should get both my masters in Psychology and Political Science
But that's a lot of money and time being spent
What would I actually do with the political science?
I mean with Psych I want to be a counselor
But Political Science was kind of sprung on me, this summer at a Youth Retreat
Am I doing the right thing??
Is this really where I am supposed to be at??
Am I making the right choices that align up with the will of God or am I working out of my own selfish ambitions?
So many things are bouncing around in my head and I don't know what to do with all of them
I want them to make sense but the more that I try and make sense of them, the more confusing they get
I want to be an ambitious person and go for what I want
But at the same time I'm scared and want to run away from it all
Why must making decisions and life be so hard?
God please make sense of what is going on in my head and point me into the direction that I should go and the grad school that would be right for me??
I don't want to stop thinking about the future but everytime it scares me.. Why must the future be so scary and unpredictable??
Monday, October 24, 2011
Thursday, October 20, 2011
As I stand here broken I ask you to repair me.....
My heart is in pieces, God I'm asking that you begin to repair me
You see the tears I cry
You see the hurt and pain
You see the anger and how I want to change
Lord help me through this because without you I can't do it
I've been fearful and running away from the things that hurt me and essentially running away from you
God I'm done running
I come to you broken, hurting, in pain, crying out for you to change me
I can't live like this anymore...
Fill me up with you and heal the open wounds
God I need you more that I have ever before
Come in and change me into the woman you have called me to be not what I think I should be..
As I stand here broken I ask you to repair me
You see the tears I cry
You see the hurt and pain
You see the anger and how I want to change
Lord help me through this because without you I can't do it
I've been fearful and running away from the things that hurt me and essentially running away from you
God I'm done running
I come to you broken, hurting, in pain, crying out for you to change me
I can't live like this anymore...
Fill me up with you and heal the open wounds
God I need you more that I have ever before
Come in and change me into the woman you have called me to be not what I think I should be..
As I stand here broken I ask you to repair me
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Always...
Always pretty and nice but never good enough to date.. that seems to be my track record..Gotta love sucker punches to me because they seem to love me!
This is me giving up
First you seem like you wanted to be nice to me this year
Of course I fell for it and got right into your trap
I really like you and all you do is play with my emotions
It's not fun or fair to have your emotions played with
You see me and look me right in my face and just ignore me
But you talk to the girl next to you
You know that it's me and I sit in the same seat for every chapel
I guess that's cool
Just so tired of people using me
Why am I never good enough for someone to love forever
Why am I only good enough to just be played me and left hanging?
Sometimes it's hard to keep hope alive when you keep just getting used and abused.
This is why I'm just gonna give up on liking people because I ALWAYS choose the wrong people
I let them use and abuse me while I sit back and take it because I think that I'm not good enough
I just have to take what I can get rather than be alone for a long time
It's been 3 years..... and I still keep choosing wrong
This is my breaking point
I can't take anymore and I throw in the towel
I just focus on me, school and God
Because my heart can't take it anymore...
Of course I fell for it and got right into your trap
I really like you and all you do is play with my emotions
It's not fun or fair to have your emotions played with
You see me and look me right in my face and just ignore me
But you talk to the girl next to you
You know that it's me and I sit in the same seat for every chapel
I guess that's cool
Just so tired of people using me
Why am I never good enough for someone to love forever
Why am I only good enough to just be played me and left hanging?
Sometimes it's hard to keep hope alive when you keep just getting used and abused.
This is why I'm just gonna give up on liking people because I ALWAYS choose the wrong people
I let them use and abuse me while I sit back and take it because I think that I'm not good enough
I just have to take what I can get rather than be alone for a long time
It's been 3 years..... and I still keep choosing wrong
This is my breaking point
I can't take anymore and I throw in the towel
I just focus on me, school and God
Because my heart can't take it anymore...
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Relationships
Relationships are something that seems to be the topic on everybody's minds now
I look on facebook and like a bunch of people that I know are getting in relationships
I mean I'm happy that they found somebody that they acre for and that shares the feeling with them
I wonder where mine is at?
What am I doing wrong that it's not my time yet?
Everyone tells me I'm going to get a great guy and that I just need to wait
I am waiting but of course sometimes my fear gets the best of me what if I never get married?
What if I don't get to have a family?
I want to get married and have a family not be by myself forever
I just have to wait for my turn but it seems like my turn is taking a while
Am I doing something wrong that is making my process longer than others???
Ugh relationships......
Why can't I be like some of the people I know and never think about them
Just go along in life and not like guys and get distracted by them and have your heart skip a beat when you see them
I like it but I hate it at the same time
I want to get over this phase or whatever is going on in my brain so that I can stop being distracted by men
I just need to focus on school and my future and maybe that will make it better or maybe not.....
I look on facebook and like a bunch of people that I know are getting in relationships
I mean I'm happy that they found somebody that they acre for and that shares the feeling with them
I wonder where mine is at?
What am I doing wrong that it's not my time yet?
Everyone tells me I'm going to get a great guy and that I just need to wait
I am waiting but of course sometimes my fear gets the best of me what if I never get married?
What if I don't get to have a family?
I want to get married and have a family not be by myself forever
I just have to wait for my turn but it seems like my turn is taking a while
Am I doing something wrong that is making my process longer than others???
Ugh relationships......
Why can't I be like some of the people I know and never think about them
Just go along in life and not like guys and get distracted by them and have your heart skip a beat when you see them
I like it but I hate it at the same time
I want to get over this phase or whatever is going on in my brain so that I can stop being distracted by men
I just need to focus on school and my future and maybe that will make it better or maybe not.....
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
October Break
6 days till October break...All I ask is that you please come faster. I need a vacation and to get out of the middle of no where.....Please come quickly and leave me slowly.....Please and Thank you!
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Friendship
I've seen this happen before
Slowly but surely a friendship starts to fade away
I've had it happen plenty of times before so I know what it's like
It seems like you get really close to someone and then something comes in the mix
I don't know why but this seems to happen a lot in my life
What's the point of getting close to people if they just run away from you
I guess it's ok
What can you really do?
You can't force someone to be your friend so what happens, happens....
Slowly but surely a friendship starts to fade away
I've had it happen plenty of times before so I know what it's like
It seems like you get really close to someone and then something comes in the mix
I don't know why but this seems to happen a lot in my life
What's the point of getting close to people if they just run away from you
I guess it's ok
What can you really do?
You can't force someone to be your friend so what happens, happens....
What I see
It sucks seeing so much love and marriage and happiness when you've been single for almost 3 years and have no potential of that happening to you anytime soon....
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