Tired of being alone.....I give up!

Enjoying life

Even though I'm at school and it's hard to keep up with the things I love I have to or I will go insane
1.) I have to read at least 1 book for pleasure and not for school work
2.) Crocheting... I know it's an old people thing but it relaxes me and I enjoy it
3.) Eating right... Yeah this is def a new one thanks to my new gallbladder problem that has arisen(by the way I've lost 10 pounds since it started acting up)
4.) Writing.. Something I haven't done in a very long time because I seem to have lost a passion for it
5.) Start exercising again even though I've been loosing weight I want it toned and not just flabby
6.) Spending more time with Jesus because he definitely deserves some time in my day with no question
7.) Taking walks.. these always helped me clear my head and keep the stress level down
8.) Drink more water to keep myself hydrated
  This is my list starting today...It's going to be a hard task but I will try and manage the best that I can

Why must you torment me?

After months of not speaking to each other, you texted me
I was surprised, didn't really know what to make of it
We talked just like the old times and you made me laugh and feel important like you use too
We talked about our relationship and we finally told our true feelings on the situation
All those feelings that I swore were gone came back with a vengence
I remembered the time we spent together and how you use to visit me at work and how I had a crush on you for years and then finally I was acknowleged
Everything that I felt for you came over me like flood that I couldn't control
Then you told me that your moving in November
Your moving, What a way to drop it on me
I remember you talking about it when we dated but I never thought that you were serious
I guess you were
How am I supposed to react to all these emotions that seem to have come out of no where
I missed you and I missed everything about you
When I listen to certain songs it reminds me of you and then I remember that All I have left are memories of what was
You were my brother's friend and my crush when I was 12 years old... What a 12 year old didn't know
At 17 we would come together just to be split up
I mean I did end it but that didn't make it hurt any less
After that we became cool again and I told you how I felt for you and you stringed me along until I decided to move on or so I thought
Thank you so much for turning my world upside down and making me relive all of that over again because it just wasn't good enough the last time
I'm through with Love it just hurts to much to care anymore....


http://youtu.be/DsoKAOYJ_BM

Can I just get one guy that comes in my life and stays......

When will I learn?

Don't get my hopes up because they will just get crushed

You

I want to get to know you. I want to be your friend. I want to know all about you. I want you to like me back. For some reason you make me so nervous. Your a year younger than me. My friends say I'm a cougar I say I don't care. I want to start a conversation with you but when I get a chance nothing comes to mind. Why does that happen to me, that never happens to me. If anything I talk to much. I know what I want to say but when the opportunity comes up, my thoughts just float away. I know what happened last year when I liked people it ended in a Flop. Don't want this to turn out the same way. It probably will but I just suck it up and get over it. But even though I tell myself this I still smile when you walk by and I tell all my friends about you and I think of you often. This is how it happened last time....What's a girl to do....

My Deepest Fears

To fall in love
To be rejected
To never change
To be overweight forever
To let things go
To become the woman God called me to be
To step out int my destiny
To let people in
To let down my walls
To come out of my shell
To open up my heart again
To allow myself to be hurt
To let people see behind the mask
To smile like I don't have a care in the world
To laugh as if there's no tomorrow
To look in the mirror and believe that I'm actually beautiful
To get dressed and not be self conscious
To believe that one day someone will want to marry me
To believe that my body will get better
To know that I don't have to hide behind other people
To branch out and do new things
To fail and get back up and try again
To rejoice in the small things even if no one else cares
To love God with all of me and let him in every area that I have been holding back
To pray like no ones watching
To actually live the things I so adamantly preach
To not second guess myself
To know that I will make the right decisions
To believe that there is nothing wrong with me being me just the way god intended it
      I don't want My Deepest Fears to be My Deepest Regrets!

Summary

I'm getting sick again all the time like I was last semester

I am taking new medicine and I feel like an old person having to pop pills

My mind is my worse enemy

Even when I try and try and loose weight I'm still fat

All I wanna do is eat chocolate but thanks to my medicine I can't

All my friends have men and me here still all alone

The guys I all liked last semester either rejected me or have gf's or just ignored me all together

The one guy I kind of am attracted to this semester probably will NEVER be attracted to me

Everything seems to be changing around me and not for the better

My brother is incarcerated and I don't know when he's getting out

My mom is struggling to pay bills and to help me pay for school because she's awesome

My computer is falling apart and I have no way to pay for a new one

I need a car but I can't afford one

I was replaced in my circle of high school friends and am afraid that my college ones will do the same

What if they decide I'm no longer interesting and just leave me off to the side

My future seems so uncertain at times and I wonder if I have a future at all

God please make sense of all this confusion in my brain because I can't take it anymore!